breathwithme

so i ended up telling my dad that i didnt want to go to auburn anymore. he flipped.

THEN, i mentioned the word alabama.... i dont really remember what happened after that.

im in a place where i really dont know what to do because if i go to alabama, my dad will be mad at me for the next 4-5 years. but if i go to auburn, my dad will be happy but i will be miserable. and i really dont know what to do.

a little help please???? Auburn or Alabama? let me hear your votes.

we dominate the school

SENIORS: SPIRIT STICK WINNERS!!!!

i got my wisdom teeth out.

it hurts.

1st- coordinated studies, Gallups
2nd- economics, Dearmen
3rd- AP english, martin
4th- pre-cal, williamson
5th- AP enviromental science, evans
6th- YOU'RE VERY JEALOUS THAT IM OUT OF SCHOOL AND YOU'RE NOT!
7th- YOU'RE VERY JEALOUS THAT IM OUT OF SCHOOL AND YOU'RE NOT!


SO THERE YOU GO. TELL ME IF WE HAVE CLASSES!

i think im at a really weird place right now. i guess its because ive fallen into this routine that i cant seem to get out of (i hate routines). i get up, mope around the house, go to work, get off and go meet up with our friends, do the same thing everynight, then go home and crash and get ready to wake up the next morning and do the whole thing over again. err, irritating. but not to say that i dont love it. i have fun everynight and i love everyone, but its just kinda getting on my nerves lately.

anyway...

tascha came and went like it never happened. but the time she had here was awesome. i miss her already and i hope i get to see her again soon.

henry really gets on my nerves. i dont know where me and him are going to end up but right now i dont even care to know. its like we are so different now that we cant even communicate because we see everything so differently. i guess its just not suppose to be right between us. you know the more i think about it the more im like "why im a thinking about it?" we're not even friends anymore really. i never talk to him, i never see him, so why am i still worrying about it. its over. i lost. as much as i tried to keep whatever was left of our friendship there, its gone now. so what does it matter? and the answer is simple: it doesn't. we're seniors in high school now. its almost all over. and after that im going to college. i really will NEVER see him. and if he doesnt call me at all now, what makes me think he is going to call me later on? im stupid. i guess the only reason i want to keep him around so bad is because he is the only person i know that really challenges me like he does. but then again im 17 and i have my whole life ahead of me to meet new people that are going to amaze me more than he ever could. its just hard to let go of something that you tried so hard for so long to make work. but hey, its time for me to come to reality. so i really do hope you are happy henry. thats the only thing i could ever wish to you.

so its summer. i passed 11th grade and now i am a senior! yeah thats fun to say.
this summer is going to be pretty good i think. working and hanging out, sounds good to me.
tascha is coming to stay for a whole month, which i am very excited about.

i wish things weren't like they are ...

MONUMENTAL DAY

Henry Ledbetter and Katie May no more.

its been a great 3 and half years.


good bye.

there is nothing to talk about
nothing that needs to go between us
i have closed the chapter of my life that i gave to you

i dont think you know what you've been missing ... i dont want to know you anymore ...




Just think of this and me
as just a few of many things
to lie around
to clutter up your shelves
And I wish you weren't worth the wait
because there's some thing's
I'd like to say to you...

I don't think that
you know what
you've been missing
Cuz I don't think that
you know what
you've been missing

I dare you to forget
those marks you left
across my neck
from those nights when we were both
found at our best
I could make this obvious,
and in one breath
you could shrug me off
your shoulders...

I don't think that
you know what
you've been missing
Cuz I don't think that
you know what
you've been missing

Just forget me
it's that simple
Just forget me
it's that simple

I heard about your trip
I heard about your souveniors
I heard about the cool breeze and the cool nights
And the cool guys that you spent them with
I guess I should have heard of them from you
I guess I should have heard of them from you

Well don't you see, don't you see
That the charade is over
And all the "best deceptions" and the
"Clever cover story" awards go to you

So kiss me hard
'Cause this will be the last time that I let you
You will be back someday
And this awkward kiss that tells of other people's lips
Will be of service to giving you away

I heard about your regrets
I heard that you were feeling sorry
I heard from someone that you wish you could
Set things right between us
Well, I guess I should have heard of that from you
I guess I should have heard of that from you

Well don't you see, don't you see
That the charade is over
And all the "best deceptions" and the
"Clever cover story" awards go to you

So kiss me hard
'Cause this will be the last time that I let you
You will be back someday
And this awkward kiss that screams of other people's lips
Will be of service to giving you away
To giving you away

I'm waiting for blood to flow to my fingers
I'll be alright when my hands get warm
Ignoring the phone--I'd rather say nothing
I'd rather you never heard my voice
You're calling too late, too late to be gracious
You do not warrant long goodbyes
You're calling too late
You're calling too late
You're calling too late



yeah thats to you

im so done. im done with everything. i dont give a shit anymore. i gave you everything. i gave you my time my friendship and even my heart. what more does a person have to do to get some fucking respect from you? you're not even human. you dont feel anymore. and i dont care what you say because i dont beleive a fucking word that comes out of your mouth. its all lies. do you realize that you're at a point where you lie about what you feel? WHAT KIND OF A PERSON LIES ABOUT HOW THEY FEEL? what are you trying to hide? where are you trying to get? i think it is the stupidest thing ive ever heard. im so fucking over it. you're gonna do your own thing and im going to do mine for the rest of high school, then im going to auburn and god knows where you're going to end up. we are going to go our separate ways. we are going to grow up and get married. and the day i say "i do" you will probably come to mind. this perfect, yet not so perfect, being that i thoughtlessly compare everyone against. this human that can bring out emotions that i didnt know i had. how can i care about someone so much that shows no signs what so ever of returning the favor? its pathetic. im pathetic. but not anymore. i refuse to be treated like a peice of litter on the side of the road. im going to move on and ill be ok. but you, haha, but you have to live with the fact that you denied love. you have to live with the fact that it was in your hands and you threw it away. you have to live the rest of your life knowing that you could have had something that not everyone comes across.... true love.

your words arnt enough anymore.

prove to me that you meen what you say.

today i picked all my fake nails off.
then i came to joshs and painted them red. i know cool story.
i turned 17 this past weekend. me and my other two legs to the tripod went to kobes for dinner. my all time favorite place of food.
i talked to my other best friend for some hours saturday night. i miss him so much and it was really nice catching up.
i hope everything is going well for everyone. have a good week.

this sweet concoction is smooth as molasses

yeah thats right .... suck it

good bye 2004

2005 is welcomed with open arms in my book..

i hope everyone had a fantastic new years.



everyone post who your new years kiss was!!!
mine= alex oinus

i hate the way i feel like a joke to you
i hate the way i feel like a complete idiot in front of your friends
i hate it when you lie
i hate it when you say that you care but you really dont
i hate it when you dont call me at night
i hate the way you know something is bothering me, but you fail to say anything about it
i hate the way you make me cry
i hate it when you ignore me
i hate you i hate you i hate you
but most of all i hate myself b/c i cant seem to hate you enough to just put you out of my life

it hurts me really bad
i wish you would understand that you cant get away with treating people like this, and that it will come back to get you...

i wish you just knew how this feels...

do you ever just sit back and think about where you are in life? and about how you got there and if you had done just a few minor things different how different your life would be right now? i do.

i was thinking about it last night and i got really upset with myself. just to think that if you had made just a few different choices, my life could have been so much better right now. like if i wouldnt have let that friend go and not gotten so close to this other one, i probably wouldnt be here writing about it right now. gah, it blows my mind thinking about the different person i could have been. dont get me wrong, i love my life.. but im not about to sit here and say that i wouldnt change it for the world, because i would. i wish i had done a lot of things differently. i wish i could take back some of the things that ive said, people ive hurt, and relationships ive gotten into........

then i think about it like this... im so thankful for everything ive ever done,said,or felt. because it all added up to this. im the person i am because of what i have been through. i was forced to be mature at a really young age, and basically growing up with out a mother didnt help. but a made it, and in my eyes i turned out just fine. and anything that i look back on with regret or sorrow, all just make me stronger.

i have one pet peive, one really really really big pet peive, and its being lied to. i would rather be heart broken knowing the truth, than happy living in a lie. and ive decided that im not going to put up with it from that one person anymore.

congrats marty! you are so beautiful and you deserve it! i love you!

work at 10 in the morning ... im off to bed.

oh gosh... he makes me smile.


but i dont want to get hurt again....

please just give me a clue or something. im not sure what to think. sometimes it seems like you might be interested, but other times i just dont know. if you are, i really wish you tell me.

i can see you staring at me out of the corner of my eye. then ill glance at you just to see what you are doing and you catch me, and we both look away real fast. it was cute at first, but i would really like to get to know you... again. i dont know why we haven't talked in such a long time, but maybe this is the place to start.

i dont know if this is even going to be anything. but for some little reason on the inside, i really hope it will be.

auburn tennessee game.... are you watching?

you think you can judge me?????




















think again.